Thursday, September 13, 2007

Poor Britney

The days of Britney Spears as a "Toxic" train wreck may finally be over. While most of the world is begging Britney to "Gimme Less," Simon, Paula and Randy want her to "Gimme More."The "American Idol" judges announced to FOX that they have decided to take the Britster on board, issuing an open call to the pop princess to let them manage her crumbling career.

"We have decided we can bring Britney back," the normally caustic Cowell confirmed. "We are serious. We plan to buy her underpants, get her bigger shorts to perform in and get her away from her stupid friends."

And while many believe that Brit has already burned her career, the reality judges think Sunday night's performance was just another point on her publicity page. "MTV ratings are up and all we're hearing is Britney, Britney, Britney!" Simon said. "She can turn it around."

"We always have time for Britney, we love her," added Paula.

So Brit, baby, if you are listening, we suggest you give these guys a call.

"We'd love to take care of you, Spears!" Randy roared. "We will make you a superstar again!"

Brit really does need help ... her new single "Gimme More" arrived on the Billboard Hot 100 chart at a disappointing No. 85.

The song could have done a whole lot better if Britney hadn't nixed what could've been a real hit collaboration with hit music producer Timbaland and her ex-boyfriend Justin Timberlake, Timbaland told MTV.

"She has to have a team. She needs to come back with Justin doing records; [then we’d see headlines like,] ‘She went back to her ex and she’s making smashes.’ [But instead she got] so big-headed and [was] like, ‘Screw you, screw you, I don’t need nobody.’"

Not Like a Virgin: Madonna, Mary-Kate and Mandy Get Randy

There is something mischievous in the air for our “M” girls at the moment.

Perhaps life in London is putting Madonna in the mood for “Erotica," which is why she strutted into a sex store to purchase some purple pleasure earlier this week.

Madge was all smiles as she high-tailed it back into her hotel room.

And itty-bitty beauty Mary-Kate Olsen swirling has confessed that she prefers parading panty-free.

“I run around my house naked with heels all the time,” she told Elle magazine. “It’s so funny. All of my friends will tell you I love running around in kimonos and jewelry or naked with jewelry."

Meanwhile, the normally modest Mandy Moore did more than just take “A Walk to Remember” in an interview with the new VH1 show “What Perez Says."

The pop princess groaned and gyrated over a stripper pole, obviously determined to pan here Miss Perfect persona.

Demi and Ashton Kick Out Catwalk Cameras

Hollywood hotties Demi Moore and Ashton Kutcher casually cruised into Diesel’s show at New York Fashion Week.

At the end of the sell-out show, however, the movie moguls were being mobbed by the media for interviews.

“The photographers weren’t even worried about covering the clothes during the show,” a Pop Tart spy proclaimed. “The entire time they just kept snapping away at Demi and Ashton. It was way too intense.”

The big wigs from Diesel weren’t too delighted by the distraction, and the comely couple was driven so crazy by the cameras that they demanded that hundreds of photogs be booted from the building.

Meanwhile, Ashton and Demi "only had eyes for each other," our spy said.

"Demi wouldn’t stop touching and canoodling with him. It was obvious they were there purely for the PR — clothes weren’t of interest. It looked like all Demi wanted to do was to get a room.”

Fashion and Facials: Ryan Seacrest and Mario Lopez Educate Mencia to Be 'Metro'

Speaking of Fashion Week festivities, it seems as though Comedy Central’s Carlos Mencia needs a trend tip or two. But it was his buddies Mario Lopez and Ryan Seacrest that helped him get hot enough to host last Saturday’s Creative Arts Emmys.

“I’m like a girl now — I’m trying to figure out how to make myself look better through all these little tricks. I like to do the eyelash thingy, I like a little bit of mascara,” Carlos confessed to “Mario Lopez is teaching me all this stuff about being what I call gay, but he calls it metrosexual or whatever your term is.”

But when it came to splashing a little Seacrest into his style, the “Mind of Mencia” man was mortified.

“I also got a couple of pointers from Ryan Seacrest. He told me to go get a facial! I’m not going to get a facial, what is that? That’s stupid,” Mencia moaned. “I’m a man. But then I got one and I was like I need to get these every week … so ha ha ha. You can’t say no to certain things, you just got to test it out. Facials are great.”

Was Sarah Silverman Too Nasty to Britney?

Were you cheering or jeering for Sarah Silverman at the VMAs as she scathed a saddened Britney Spears?

The caustic comedian dissed the “Crazy” crooner immediately after her poor performance, making such remarks as “she's 25 years old and she’s already accomplished everything she’s going to accomplish in her life“ and “Have you seen Britney’s kids? Oh my God, they are the most adorable mistakes you will ever see!"

But while the audience laughed, some say it was out of sheer shock.

“Everybody knows Sarah is pretty cutting, but you could hear gasps when she brought Britney’s kids into it,” said a spectator.

X17 Online is also reporting that the pop princess learned that Silverman was going to smear her sons just before she got on stage, making her performance even poorer.

However, a rep for Silverman says she didn't leak her lines to anyone, and defended Sarah's digs against Britney, saying she was simply “doing what was asked of her” which was to “react comically” to what went on during the show.

And it turns out that Brit’s buddies are “Extra” angry about the prospect of another "Toxic" performance.

While most of the world was screaming “Gimme Less" during Spears' show, the TV show “Extra” invited her to “Gimme More” on their studio stage and redo her routine.

But sources close to Spears say enough damage has been done already.

“It’s clear that Britney is in no shape mentally or physically to be repeating her performance,” a Britney buddy told Pop Tarts. “What happened on Sunday wasn’t just because she was having a ‘bad’ night … she clearly isn’t ready for this. I understand that “Extra” invited her back out of sympathy, but it is also exploitative. She needs to be left alone for a long while.”

Kid Rock vs. Tommy Lee: And the Winner Is…

Well, it looks like Pamela Anderson's first ex-husband Tommy Lee has come out the conqueror in his battle with her other ex-husband Kid Rock.

According to insiders, the spat was brewing early into the show and Tommy was the one doing the teasing.

After the Motley Crue man was kicked out by MTV, Anderson’s old beaus had a bit of a tussle, but Kid Rock was the first and only one to fire a fisticuff.

The cops of Sin City have since slapped Rock with a misdemeanor battery charge, and he now faces six months in the slammer. But inside sources still say both bad boys still have "a thing" for the “Baywatch” babe.

“They both still very much love Pamela — I’m sure it all comes down to jealously,” said the source.

On his blog, Lee professed that out-of-nowhere, “Kid Pebble” punched him in the face.

Tommy says he was ready to “knock” Kid but security stepped in.

Joss Stone Almost Peeves PETA While Brody Jenner Peeves Everybody

British singer Joss Stone, at the Hard Rock Vegas' Star Lounge on Saturday in honor of Rolling Stone magazine’s 40th anniversary, almost ticked off her pals at PETA as she wandered into Zerosmoke suite, excited to learn about the all-natural way to scrap the smokes.

But after checking out the magnetic therapy, Stone, an avid anti-fur fighter, fell for a wine opener made from an authentic warthog tusk.

“Joss went crazy when she realized [it] — it was this huge commotion,” said a Pop Tarts spy. “Her people covered her face and pushed her out of the room, yelling at photographers not to take a picture as she can’t be associated with such a product. Such a big deal was made everybody was wondering what on Earth went wrong in there.”

And while he may be a hottie on “The Hills," Brody Jenner was judged as a jerk as he flaunted and flirted in the suite.

According to our spy, the reality TV star was tantalized by the photo booth so much that he insisted the paps get snaps of him smiling inside. But Brody’s big head was a bother to others.

“He didn’t want to leave — he stayed there for ages encouraging everybody to get photos of him,” our spy splurged. “His whole ordeal was taking so long and he was creating such a scene that other celebs such as [supermodel turned actress] Amber Valletta took a look and then bypassed the booth completely.”

Meanwhile, “The Hills” heartbreaker was so sidetracked by his sexy Star Lounge suite escort that he was all touchy-feely and continually tried to hold her hand.

He then went to the bar, ordered himself a cocktail and insisted that his escort sit and sip with him, but was diplomatically declined.

Britney Spears' Crummy 'Comeback' Comes as No Surprise to Insiders

While music moguls and flocks of fans feel flabbergasted by Britney Spears' somber return to the stage, those close to Spears are not surprised by her strange spectacle on Sunday night.

According to an insider who used to work closely with the "Crazy" crooner, Spears' behavior has been bizarre for quite some time.

"I wasn’t surprised when I watched her on the awards show," said the former Britney employee who asked to remain anonymous. "You never know what Britney will do. One minute she’d want her hair black, then blond, then she’d make the stylist cut it short, then scream for hair extensions. She would order a chicken burger, then cry and demand a pizza or if she ordered a hot coffee suddenly she’d demand that it be an iced tea."

The source also splurged that Spears' mood often would suddenly switch in split seconds from smiles to sobs.

But is Britney to blame for her poor performance, or was she used and abused for ratings by MTV?

Apparently, Spears broke down both before and after her problematic performance. And although MTV didn’t return calls for comment, a Britney back-up dancer divulged that she wasn’t exactly remarkable in the rehearsal room, either.

"Britney never did the routine all-out. She just blocked it. I think that was the problem — she got out there on stage and coupled with nerves Britney just didn’t know how to do it properly. MTV was well aware she wasn’t up to it," the insider told

And Spears reportedly was drinking margaritas while rehearsing her performance this weekend.

The New York Post's Page Six gossip column and others report that Britney showed up to her Saturday rehearsal hours late, and she did it "with a frozen margarita in her hand."

MTV reportedly ditched Britney's original performance at the last minute, and perhaps her well-documented collaboration with illusionist Criss Angel became a disappearing act because he knew it was going to fail.

"In the initial meetings that we had, I gave my professional creative advice," the magic man told "Extra." "But I stepped out of the picture."

Patrick Wanis, a human behavior and relationship expert, said it seemed as if Britney were on some sort of sedative and said her behavior was a "display of complete apathy."

"She is subconsciously sabotaging her success," Wanis said. "Remember, this girl has been through a lot and she doesn’t have a support base. It’s not about not having a manager — it’s about not having your family and real friends beside you."

But one thing MTV definitely isn’t to blame for is the barely there bikini that revealed all of Britney's bulges.

"Britney really wanted to wear that. Everyone in wardrobe advised her against it, but she had her mind made up," the insider added. "It’s like she’s still clinging to who she was five years ago."

And Spears reportedly "forgot" to wear underwear yet again on Sunday night, revealing all as she emerged from a limo at the Luxor Hotel. Some speculated that photos on the Web could have been Photoshopped.

Before the Dust-Up: Pamela Snubs Spectators

It seems Pamela Anderson was annoyed last weekend even before her former flames Kid Rock and Tommy Lee fought it out.

Hundreds of people hung out for hours outside Sin City’s Planet Hollywood Hotel on Saturday night just to see the "Baywatch" babe waltz into the Sapporo Breweries Kanye West Album Toast.

But Pammy was in no mood for fans.

"She looked at the photographers and spectators and said, 'Oh, God' while rolling her eyes," a red carpet insider told Pop Tarts. "Then she literally ran down the red carpet."

And she even caused a grown man to cry.

"A middle-aged man near me had been lining up all day to see his all-time favorite, and he became all teary when all he got was a passing digital picture," another eyewitness said.

Fifteen minutes later, Anderson was joined inside by a smiling Kayne West and his personal posse, but Pamela might have been nervous about seeing her two exes as she "came across a little off" throughout the otherwise pumping party.

Angelina and Zahara Zoom From Hardship to Handbags

Angelina Jolie may be a humanitarian who recently rendezvoused as U.N. goodwill ambassador through poverty-stricken streets of Africa, but don’t think the Academy Award-winning actress doesn’t know how to live the lavish lifestyle.

The "Beyond Borders" beauty was busted in the Big Apple late last week sporting a sexy big handbag, but it seems she wants daughter Zahara to be a glamour girl, too. The yummy mummy had a mini-me Valentino handbag made up for her angel-face adoptee.

"It was really cute seeing them together," an eyewitness told "Some people around me were saying it was hypocritical of Angie to waste so much money on an accessory, but she works hard. She’s entitled to it."

However, an insider who has worked closely with Jolie is baffled by the mother-daughter designer display.

"I was quite surprised when I saw the pictures of Zahara with the matching bag," the source told "It seems like such a superficial starlet thing for her to do. I never thought Angelina would be caught dead parading around looking so materialistic."

But now, the fashion world is gearing up for a demand in matching mommy/baby bags.

"Angelina is a huge style icon in today’s society — whatever she does always takes off," said a rep at New York’s Fashion Week.

And from a passion for fashion to a passion for Pitt, perhaps Angie is a little peeved about her beau Brad’s latest words about ex Jennifer Aniston.

Pitt told People magazine that he and Jen still maintain "a deep friendship that hasn’t been erased in any way."

However, our Brangelina insider believes there really is no big bone of contention between Jolie and Aniston.

"They’re both strong women who have now moved on with their life," the source said. "They don’t lament on the past. This whole Team Jennifer or Angelina thing was created by trashy tabloids and it’s about time they talked about something with a bit more significance."

The People vs. Britney Spears

Lethargic. Lip-Synching. Lame.

We tried hard to believe that Britney Spears would blow us away in her opening performance at Sunday night's VMAs, and she did — for all the wrong reasons.

Britney took to the stage in a too-small bikini for her post-baby body with little of her trademark sass and seemed to be walking through her "comeback" gig.

So is it time to say goodbye to Spears as a songstress? Here's what the people had to say:

"Her performance was really bad. She couldn’t even lip-synch. It’s tragic! Britney needs to give it up," said Mara Yanoshik, 21, of New York.

"I wanted to cry for her. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. MTV should be ashamed of themselves for giving her the opening act, especially as Chris Brown was unreal," said Lisa Jackson, 25, of New Jersey.

"I honestly don't think it was as awful as everyone is saying — she just seemed nervous. Yeah, she wasn’t tiny like she was as a teen, but she looked hot for a mom with two young kids. I mean, she's gone through a lot. People need to cut her some slack," said Jill Bernett, 32, Australia.

"I can’t wait to read what all the weeklies have to say … something is so wrong with her. What was she thinking, wanting to wear that little outfit? That was a turn-off. Gross," said Holly Wehlan-Brown, 17, of Ohio.

"She wasn’t exactly talented in the first place. Hopefully now she’ll go hide somewhere and we can focus on real news," said Adam Jones, 38, of New York.

"Oh, yeah, I loved it — we watched it over and over. Haven’t laughed that hard in ages. I don’t want her to give up — that would be boring," said Ross Elliot, 23, of California.

"I have no sympathy for her — she was way bad. She didn’t even try — my dog could have done better," said Nicola Wu, 20, of California.

"What happened to her hair? Those weaves were horrible. She looked so scared, the poor thing, she seems to lack so much confidence and so much pressure was put on her over this. … She’s still got it in her to be a good performer; the song is fun and catchy," said Kylie Kothari, 34, of Nevada.

"She was having an out-of-body experience I think. I don’t think Brit was really there at all. Someone has taken our Spears!" said Joe Rizeri, 25, of Florida.

"It’s no wonder Criss Angel was a disappearing act. He didn’t want to be associated with that …that comedy act. Goodbye, Britney," said Davina Jones, 21, of Maryland.

Paris Blows Christina's Cover

Paris Hilton took to the microphone on Saturday at the new LAX club and happily congratulated the "gorgeous" Christina Aguilera on her pregnancy. Oops! As far as the public is concerned, the pop princess isn’t officially expecting.

Christina and hubby, Jordan, both did a jaw-drop. … We wonder if any "Dirrrty" words were exchanged in that DJ booth.

Last week, we learned that Hilton is prepping for pregnancy, and it seems the perennial party girl has already picked out baby names.

The hotel heiress has confessed to wanting a mini-me under the title of Paris Junior but also is a fan of the British badge London. Why? She once had a cat named after the royal city.

And after months of speculation that Hilton’s famous dog, Tinkerbell, had mysteriously disappeared, is pleased to announce that the puny pup was spotted sunbathing last weekend in the Hamptons with the more mature Hilton heirs.

Thriller: John Legend Bringing MJ Back?

R&B sensation John Legend "couldn’t get enough" of pop prince Michael Jackson as a child and has confessed to modeling himself on the Moonwalker.

Now, there's buzz that John is going to bring back his "Legend."

"John just thinks that Michael has too much talent to give it all away now," an insider close to the star splurged to "They work really well together and are both creative geniuses. What they can do is mind-blowing — it will send the music world into a spin."

Meanwhile, Legend is set to headline a private performance at TV Guide’s Annual Emmys After-Party on Sunday. And Lindsay Lohan’s gal pal DJ Samantha Ronson is set to spin away from her new role as the door host at Hyde just to jam with John at Les Deux.

Lingerie Label Wooing Britney Spears

The days of Britney Spears and her panty-free parading may finally be over, as has learned that the "Crazy" crooner is contemplating a contract with a leading lingerie label.

"A pretty prominent underwear company is very interested in having Britney exclusively endorse their line," an insider close to the pop princess told Pop Tarts.

"At this stage the deal probably won’t involve any official advertising, but she’ll be required only to wear their products, and I guess somehow she’ll have to work out a way to show those cotton coverings!"

The source added that there are few things that would need to be "ironed out" with the Britster before blanketing her booty with a brand, including formalities to forbid future flesh-flashing.

"It would look really bad if she was caught again without underpants, especially when she has a top lingerie label backing her, so they’ll want to ensure that doesn’t happen," the insider added.

Perhaps this is another personal push for Brit to get back into the spotlight "One More Time." The "reformed" rehabber reportedly also is working hard to drop some pounds.

"It’s been a stressful time for Britney and she has gained weight," confirmed a Britney buddy. "But now that she’s on the comeback trail, she’s determined to get back into shape. She’ll be doing a lot more dance classes and she’s given up alcohol."

But Brit also may be getting some help from Hoodia, with a number of reports suggesting that Spears recently had a big box of the African appetite suppressants home-delivered.

Lauren Conrad Is a One-Word Woman

It's a good thing that "The Hills" hottie Lauren Conrad has a sweet smile and a figure to be envied, because when it comes to publicity, the reality star is a little lost for words.

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